Memo to Denver EPA employees: Stop pooping in hallway

The EPA Region 8 office building in LoDo.

The EPA Region 8 office building in LoDo.

DENVER — The Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), a federal office charged with keeping the outside world safe for U.S. citizens, is apparently having some issues keeping the hallways of its own Denver building safe for employees.

Or at the very least, they’re having some difficulty keeping their employees from defecating in the hallways, according to an email that was circulated by management to Region 8 EPA employees in Denver earlier this year.

The email was obtained by GovernmentExecutive.com, a website that federal managers and executives reportedly frequent. Here’s the long and short of it: There has apparently been “several incidents” of inappropriate bathroom behavior in the building, which is located a block south of Union Station at 1595 Wynkoop St.

Those incidents including clogging the bathroom toilets with paper towels and “an individual placing feces in the hallway.”

And just for employees who thought the email might have been another EPA office prank, Deputy Regional Administrator Howard Cantor noted that the opposite is true.

In fact, Cantor went so far as to consult with John Nicoletti, a “national expert” on workplace safety, before concluding that yes, feces in the hallway is in fact a health and safety risk, and that the individual responsible for placing it there would “probably escalate” his or her behavior if no action was taken.

“Management is taking this situation very seriously and will take whatever actions are necessary to identify and prosecute these individuals,” Cantor wrote.

For those who might think this sort of incident is out of character for the EPA, you might reconsider. According to GovernmentExecutive.com, EPA employees have also recently been investigated for building secret man caves in an EPA warehouse, posing as CIA agents to get unlimited vacation time and using the majority of the work day to watch pornography.